‘Canes Sex Confessions: Round 1

Bad Habits | The Rival | March 1, 2016

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Here it is. You sent them, we’re exposing them. Welcome to the first round of ‘Canes Sex Confessions! We’ve seen some pretty interesting shit, but we know it can only get weirder from here. Here’s the kinky, the bold, the strange, and the “studious” and the straight up dangerous. Enjoy, you dirty ‘Canes you.

 

“One time I skipped class to hookup with a kid in Mahoney. Midway through, my nose starting bleeding onto him. It was messy.”

 

“I received a blowjob in the women’s bathroom of the electrical engineering department. I was working in the laboratory up until late at night, and my lab partner, a very sexy and horny enginerd, agreed we needed to go on a walk, down the hall to “stretch our legs”. I stretched my legs across the bathroom stall as she gave me the best blumpkin of my life.”

 

“Freshman year I got hit up on grindr by a grad student and we banged on a row of desks in the architecture computer lab. Hope he’s doing well.”

 

“I had sex in a tanning bed … while it was on. We were laying down and I was on top, so I couldn’t move any part of my body except my hips up and down. He came in 4 minutes, it was sweeet. Needless to say, the only thing that I got out of the situation was a very burned back and a story for a moment like this.”

 

“Watched this dude get head for a solid 30-45 minutes from a girl on her knees on top of Pavia garage on a Sunday afternoon. Well done, you two. Solid performance.” -Pavia Security Guy #3

 

“I had sex in between the cars in SunLife Stadium. Class act.”

 

“I was in the forest and this girl was giving me head. The reason we were in the forest was because she got off fucking outside. The first time I had sex with her was on a tour boat that was docked late at night. During that first time, she was saying some kinky shit, which was working for me. One weird shit she said was “Oh, you like that? You like it when you take hot wax and just pour it all over me?” There was not candles around, nor was I planning on doing any of that. I don’t know what the fuck she was talking about.

Anyway, back to the forest. She was giving me head. This why I hate Cosmo and all those bullshit sex columns that talk about how to spice up your sex life because about five or eight years ago women got the idea that sticking a finger on their man’s butt is a thing. Not only is that not true, but its dangerous for the woman. I feel like guys are more likely to have dirty ass holes.

As she giving me head in the forest, she goes lower the balls–felt good. Then crept her way the gooche–I was okay with it. She goes back up, but her finger starts to linger. Then she just goes for it. I immediately stiff arm her in the forehead. she looks up at me like I’m stupid. With her eyes, makes me feel like I’m the weird one for not liking it. Then, I kinda shrug my shoulders and was like ‘eh, nah…uhhh, ehh … alright.’ She goes for it again and I immediately stop her again. She finishes me off but I’m on edge the rest of the time and guarding my butthole. Never again.

We don’t speak or look at each other in the eye as we put our clothes back on. We’re still in the forest so we gotta trek over hills to get to the car. I end up driving her home, but I’m watching her finger in my peripherals to see here dirty ass finger touching everything in my car. Of course I didn’t say shit because worst case scenario, she get mad and stick her finger in between my lip. That woman is still out there. Somewhere. Still at large.” -Duffman

There’s more from where that came from. Think you can do better than these stories? If you haven’t already submitted yet (or have more up your sleeve) leave your anonymous sexscapades here.