Joe DiMaggio, Usain Bolt, John Donnelly, Randy Green, Wayne Gretzky. Seems like a pretty random list right? Wrong. This is a list of legends. Each name carries a story, and with that story a record that has yet to be broken. They are warriors, athletes, and have worked hard to get to where they are now: etched in history. But two names stand out, probably because you haven’t heard of them. They are unsung heroes, careless whispers, shadows in the night – but they have done what no one has done before: they have a perfect attendance at The Rat.
Name: John Donnely
Codename: Sir John Von Donz Esquire
Goes By: Donz
Name: Randy Green
Codename: Randisious Maximus
Goes By: Randy
Now, you may be wondering what perfect attendance even means. Allow me to explain, the rules are simple:
- All members must be at The Rat together
- Minimum of two pitchers
- Any day that you don’t have class but still go counts as “Extra Credit”
- Cancelled classes are only excused if they are marked as cancelled on the syllabus
Got it? Good. I was lucky enough to sit down with Donz, Randy, and a few pitchers to find out more about their streak and what it means to them. It was Day 42 of their journey so I asked them to take me back to Day 1, when it all began. The road to the record started rather unceremoniously and for one sole reason: “Alcoholism. It’s the only thing that gets me out of bed in the morning,” Donz admitted, topping off a cup of Bud Select. It’s a truth that many college students understand and one that Randy summed up perfectly. After all, he explained, “What better place to be? At this point I think you can hear my liver screaming in the corner.” That much was certain – but Randy’s liver wasn’t the only thing in pain; his wallet suffered as well.
Let me be clear to those who want to follow in these hallowed footsteps. This is no cheap endeavor. The two friends estimate that they’ve shared nearly 180 pitchers over the course of the semester. Assuming it’s happy hour and each pitcher costs $5, the total comes out to $900. Not including food. The cost alone is cause to cut the streak short, but this pair is resilient. Any good record has its speed bumps and, although the thought of giving up has crept into their heads on multiple occasions, they continue to go strong. One day in particular stands out.
“I was on the road to Mardi Gras,” Donz began, “Randy was here and the streak was in jeopardy.” Since he couldn’t be there physically the two did the unthinkable – they got Donz to The Rat digitally. A Facetime call and an honorary wristband later the two were sharing a beer once again. Only, Donz was “shotgunning” in an Alabama parking lot while Randy chugged away in a glider in Coral Gables.
Randy Green (Left) and Jack Donnely (Right) doing what they do best.
Even when they are in the same area code, things can get complicated. When Donz showed up to his 3:30 class and found it cancelled he decided to go home and nap with the intent to meet Randy at The Rat at 5. No dice. “It’s like I died,” Donz said. At this point in the conversation we had polished off our third pitcher and had officially completed Day 42. When Donz finally awoke from his nap he rushed to The Rat, arriving at 6:15…fifteen minutes before his next class and just enough time to finish a pitcher, saving the day and the record.
As our business meeting came to a close and the last golden drop left the pitcher the two reminisced on all they have accomplished and all they have taken away. If you’re young and reading this pay attention because they have stumbled upon an important truth.
Randy, ever amiable, put it like this, “When in doubt, drink it out.” There isn’t much that a cold pint can’t solve. In fact, the two hope that one day The Rat will acknowledge their achievement and tenacity as inebriated trailblazers by presenting them with a glider in their name. If that doesn’t happen, they’ll simply print out a plaque themselves. After all, they’re not doing it for the glory and they’re not doing it for the fame; they’re doing it because their schedules work with happy hour and as long as the beer is flowing there is no place else they’d rather be.