Drink, Drank, Drunk

When You Know It's Time to Tap Out

Bad Habits | Evelyn Maroon | October 26, 2015

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Ah the moment of blackout. For most, it creeps up out of no where. One minute you’re enjoying the night, casually sipping a Blue Moon vibing with friends, and next thing you know you’re being dragged out of the bar because your legs stopped working.

You wake up the next morning in complete awe of yourself, “How did I get here?” “Didn’t I only drink 2 beers?” “Why do I only have one shoe on?”

Personally, I often find myself in this predicament and I ask myself these questions pretty regularly.

Take last Thursday, for example. Me and three of my friends decided we wanted to ditch the Grove and some lame frat mixer to check out Bodega. The vibes were right. We were greeted at the door with a tequila shot from the bouncer and tacos. What could go wrong??

Well…what seemed like a great night swiftly turned into probably one of the worst I’d ever had. I don’t really want to go into much detail, but needless to say I ended up in my roommates bed, fully-clothed and spooning a happy meal.


1. When you get to the point of “not giving a fuck” (aka- drinking whatever is handed to you)

2. When you’ve lost count of how many drinks you’ve had… it’s a lost cause trying to keep a tally

3. When your heels start to wobble and your legs feel like jello…. it’s not your shoes

4. When you’re fantasizing about pizza/tacos as much as your next drink

5. When you call your significant other 27 times (or that guy you made out with one time who probably doesn’t even have your number saved)… within an hour

6. When you think it’s okay to spark a j in front of a cop

7. When you seriously contemplate sleeping with a guy only because he’ll buy you Chipotle

8. When you tell everyone you know you love them

9. When the bathroom attendant is fixing your hair

10. When you bum a cig from a cop

11. When you steal chicken fingers at a tailgate

12. When you FaceTime your dog…for the third time that night (that might just be me)

13. When you’re unable to hold onto your own drink

14. When your slurring your words/look like you’re having a stroke

15. When you climb on a table at NY Pizza like you’re rockin’ a table at LIV

These are just a few of many instances when you are at high risk for blackout. The only advice I have is to try to pace yourself, kids. Is it necessary to order another round of tequila shots? Probably not. We always feel like we’re inclined to “out-drink” our peers, but in reality no one gives a shit or even notices.

Everyone loves a hero, but no one likes the kid who can’t hang.