How To Super Bowl

The Run Down On Super Bowl 50

What []_[] Want | Amy Grundleger | February 7, 2016

  • Copied

God bless the Super Bowl. The one night where girls swear they’ve “been fans all season” before proudly naming 3 players on a team, and guys boast that “they called this matchup from the start” and “didn’t doubt Peyton for a second”.

Whatever your stance is on this years Super Bowl duel, it’s fast approaching, and no one wants to be completely out of the loop. Whether you’re kind of sure a touchdown is 6 points, or you understand the difference between a blitz and a bootleg, its always worth while to do some refreshing:

As you arrive at the party make sure you know what team the majority is cheering for. The easiest way for this to be done is to take note if the crowd is wearing jersey’s or other paraphernalia. If you’re not lucky enough to have that, lay low until people make it clear that they have a favorite. Whatever your tactic, make sure you stand for something this SuperBowl.

Here’s who the two teams are:

Denver Broncos:

  • Previous game (AFC Championship): Nail biter against the Patriots, final score: 20-18
  • Colors: Orange and blue (its ugly but they do it better than UF, I promise)
  • Record: 12-4

Carolina Panthers

  • Previous game (NFC championship): Absolute blow out against the Cardinals, final score: 49-15.
  • Colors: Blue and white/silver (less ugly, but still kind of weird and definitely a dads favorite colours)
  • Record: 15-1

Coin toss: Chug some beer if it’s heads, take a sip if its tails.

As the game begins, there will be one player who has primary possession of the ball; the Quarterback. Both team’s quarterbacks were #1 draft picks overall. It’s one QB’s first Super Bowl ever, and one’s possible last game ever. Here’s what you need to know about them:

Broncos QB: Peyton Manning

Peyton Manning is an NFL staple and household name; this Super Bowl may be his final game in the league. He’s had a season of ups and downs and relies heavily on his hard working offensive line to protect him from further injury. Peyton is the old dog with no new tricks. Steady- and a fan favorite. He’s won one Super Bowl and appeared in two others.

Carolina Panthers QB: Cam Newton

This showboat quarterback took every opportunity this year to celebrate and show the world just how good the Panthers are. Whether its dabbing, ‘supermaning’ or pelvic shimmying at the fans, the “No Fun League” has many problems with this 6’5, 245 pound superhuman. Earlier this year there was talk from the league about Newton getting fined for handing a child a game ball. The ludicrous allegations blew over quickly but Newton still loves to tease and jive up the crowd, and will likely put on an entertaining side show this Super Bowl. He’s the gritty, overconfident rebel of the NFL that has everything to prove. This is his first time in the Super Bowl.

Panthers Players to know:

Now that you’ve got the quarterbacks down, you probably have more knowledge than half the people at your Super Bowl party, congrats! However, if you find yourself lost amongst the lengthy sports conversations, just drop a couple of these names or facts and you’ll be back to impressing your friends in no time.

  • Michael Oher (Tackle): (Blocks for the running back and quarterback) If the name sounds familiar, it’s because it is. The Blind Side was centered around this massive tackles story. This will be his 3rd Super Bowl performance and possible second win.
  • Greg Olsen (TE): (Basically, tackles that can run and catch but are worse at blocking) The Panthers lack a great wide receiver, which is why Greg Olsen is so important to the team. He’s likely to be the win/loss factor for the Panthers so watch for him. He’s also a former Miami Hurricane!

Broncos players to know:

  • Aqib Talib (CB): (Defensive backfield, covers receivers). Played for the Patriots last year but was injured before the Super Bowl game (ironically by the Broncos). He wants to be a prevalent part of this game.
  • Von Miller (LB): (Lines up behind defensive line to read plays and make tackles) One of the most disruptive linebackers in the league right now. He’s a good defensive player and pass rusher that can alter the result of almost any game. He made 11 sacks this season.

You’re now at the half time show, and probably much more than halfway done the snacks. This 30-minute concert may be the only part of the game you are somewhat looking forward too. Coldplay, Beyonce and Bruno Mars are performing so be ready for a heavy dose of nostalgia hearing ‘Viva La Vida’ and ‘Just The Way You Are’ mixed together so beautifully you’ll cry out all the beer you drank tonight. The lasers and effects that make the whole audience look like it’s the ocean won’t help. Expect Beyoncé looking perfect, she always does. This show has the potential to be amazing or horrendous, you’ll have something to talk about for at least the next quarter and a half.

The Spread:

If you’re feeling confident at this point about your sport savviness, you might think a gentle bet is a good idea. Nothing that will leave you eating ramen for the next month, but something you can brag about if you win. The spread is -6 Carolina, this means that Carolina is predicted to win by 6 or more points.

When in doubt:

OK, so maybe you’re heading into a food coma (or another type of coma… This is football after all). We can’t be sports gurus all the time. Here’s what to do when you don’t know what to do:

  • Talk about how much you love the snacks
  • Eat said snacks
  • Make fun of gluten free people for not having any snacks (if you’re gluten free, sorry)
  • Cry at Budweiser commercials
  • Find another person who also knows nothing
  • If there’s a puppy in any commercial start talking about dogs, people love their dogs
  • Suggest switching to the Puppy Bowl
  • Bring up a sport that you DO know something about

Do’s and Don’ts:


  • Get excited! This is the most watched sporting event in America. You’re witnessing greatness, don’t be afraid to cheer or clap.
  • Bring snacks! Its always a conversation point and its something you know you’ll enjoy. Also, the host will love you.


  • Bring up the Patriots. Ever. Even if you are a Pats fan its doubtful anyone else is. Just don’t.
  • Wear white. There will be wings, pizza, or other saucy things. It can only go wrong.

Final Prediction:

  • Madden predicts 24-20 for Carolina. Newton will (hopefully) get at least one touchdown so we can see his showboating, ‘dabbing’ self one more time this season. Denver’s offense will play well, but their defense won’t be up to par and that’s where Carolina will catch a break. Whatever happens, it’s bound to be a close game and a magnificent Super bowl. Now you’re ready to take on this party, so bring on the nachos and all your friends, this is going to be your best Super Bowl yet.



photo credit: