The 2016 Oscars Drinking Game

Bad Habits | Dhali Wama | February 25, 2016

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The Oscars. The one time a year where you can feel knowledgable and cultured just for sitting on your ass and watching movies that people told you to watch. You’ll feign classiness by drinking wine out of an actual glass instead of a solo cup. You’ll watch with your friends and say things like “cinematography” and “composition” and “rack focus”, despite your only real thought being, “What if Matt Damon does something embarrassing and validates my unaccomplished life for one fleeting moment?”

Just like the film criteria needed to be considered for such a prestigious award, we too must follow a stringent set of guidelines to drink our way into alcoholic fame and renown.

Cheers to my one-night-a-year cinephiles.

TAKE 1 SIP EVERY TIME…

  • a winner starts their sentence with “I couldn’t have done this without…”
  • one of your friends starts raving about a pretentious movie you have never heard of
  • Chris Rock is the only black person on stage
  • a dress has potential for a nip slip
  • you haven’t seen a film nominated in that category

 

TAKE 2 SIPS EVERY TIME…

  • a winner thanks someone “who couldn’t be here tonight”
  • Jennifer Lawrence is cool and personable and just like us!
  • a winner has an uncomfortably sensual kiss before getting up to accept their award
  • the woman presenting an award is taller than the man also presenting that award
  • a presenter fucks up a word on the teleprompter

 

TAKE 3 SIPS EVERY TIME…

  • a Donald Trump Joke is Made
  • George Clooney is mentioned
  • George Clooney is shown on camera
  • an acceptance speech is so moving that is gets a standing ovation
  • The Revenant is mentioned

 

CHUG WHEN…

  • the music starts playing because a winner goes over their acceptance speech time (chug until they have successfully escorted the winner offstage)
  • your prediction of who will win that category is wrong (chug until the actual winner reaches the stage)

 

FINISH YOUR DRINK WHEN…

  • a winner starts crying during their speech
  • Leonardo DiCaprio wins
  • Leonardo DiCaprio doesn’t win
  • someone trips
  • someone actually has a nip slip